damn it, i really did not want to end up back here, hating my body. i though i was past this? but in reality, i see that nothing’s really changed. my habits are still the same, so i’ve allowed myself to become this. the reason why i feel this bad is because of me. if i didn’t have a job, i wouldn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. i don’t know what to do here anymore. i want my life to be interesting, but instead i have a routine that’s gotten more than old and sometimes…because i see no way out, i don’t want to do it anymore.
okay a lot has happened since i’ve last been around…
- i lost most of my good friends
- i met a really nice guy
- we started dating
- he took my virginity
- i got scared i was pregnant
- then new year’s came…and it turned out i wasn’t :3
- he’s on the other side of the us right now, in the military and won’t be back for 5 months
- and i’m stuck here, clinging to my job and the few friends that i still have left while he’s gone.
i just wish i had more friends, though :/
I came this close to deleting my other blog just now because of bad memories associated with it, but I think I’m going to keep my chin up and take a hiatus from tumblr instead.. It’s not like anyone will miss me anyway.
i keep having these daydreams of what it would be like to go off to another country and make a life there, with just myself to rely on. i just fucking hate america sometimes.
it’s weird because this censorship thing couldn’t have come at a better time for me. i’ve sort of stopped caring about shit on the internet, and the only thing i care about using it for anymore is for talking to people. i mean, i signed a petition and i sent a letter to my representative, but if it went away, i wouldn’t mourn its passing too much.
